Sehitlik-Martyrdom

Belki de sehid olmak baskalarinin uzerine basarak uzun ve onursuz bir yasam yasamaktansa, aza ve hatta olume Adil olan Yaratici'nin adina razi olabilmek.

Fenaya (esyanin fani yonune) dusmeden, o esyadaki Baki'ye sahit oldugumuzda, o animiz sehit olur. 

Perhaps being a martyr is to be able to settle for less and even for death in the name of the Creator the Just, in place of living a long and dishonorable life at the expense of stepping on others.

When we witness the aspect of things looking to the Permanent Everlasting Creator, without being constrained by the transient aspect of things, that moment in our life becomes a martyr.

"Kimlik bunalimi" "Identity crisis"

"Kimlik bunalimi". Kimlik bunalimi yasamamak kanimca patolojiktir. Kimlik bunalimi yasamayan insanlarin miras aldiklari varsayimlarin her birini, ince ince, delik desik sorgulamalidir insan, kabuklarini birer birer soymali. Sormali insan kendine: kimdir, nereden gelmistir, neden hayattadir, amaci nedir ve ne olmalidir, prensipleri nelerdir, neleri dogru neleri yanlis bulur, neleri sever neleri sevmez, neye inanir neye inanmaz, insanlarla ne esaslara dayanarak iliski kurmalidir, ne yemeli ne icmeli neyi neye gore giymeli. Her dusundugunu, inandigini uygulayamayabilir, ama illa ki dusunmeli, bir daha bir daha dusunmelidir. Olene kadar yine yine sormalidir. Bir gunku cevabi bir onceki gunun cevabindan biraz olsun farkli olmalidir. Teker teker soyundugu kabuklarinin yerine kendisine en uygun olanlari takinmalidir. Ogrendiklerini okuduklarini tecrubelerini dusuncelerini vicdanini duygularini gozlemlediklerini, hepsini icine katip ta yeniden diktigi libaslari. Ve bir omur kimlik bunalimindan cikamamalidir insan, ta ki tekamul edebilsin ve umulur ki bir gun anlasin, her kabuk ve libas soyulur, geriye 'abdullah ve habibullah, "Tek Yaratici'nin kulu (vatandasi) ve sevgilisi" kalir.

NOT: Neden "vatandas" kelimesi?

Dusundum de, kendini bir devletin vatandasi olarak tanimlayanlarin devlete karsi olan tavirlari ile, bir kulun Allah'a karsi olmasi gereken tavri arasinda cok paralellik gordum. Bu nedenle de kendimi ne dogdugum Ingiltere, ne ana-vatanim Cezayir, ne baba-vatanim Turkiye, ne de koca-vatanim ABD'nin vatandasi olarak gormuyorum. Bir seyin, bir kavramin, bir varligin vatandasiysam eger, bu ancak Yaraticimin vatandasligi olabilir. Devlet babaya vergi kutsalligi yerine (ki genelde bu vergilerden fakirlerden cok zenginler faydalanir hele de ABD gibi kapitalist sistemlerde), Allah adina fakire verilen zekatin kutsalligini kabul ederim. Mutlak, mantikli ve adil olan devletlerin basinda birilerinin cikarlarina gore yazdiklari kanunlar degil, Rabbimin bana ogrettigi yasam bicimidir. Bizi koruyan, kurtaran, kollayan devlet, asker, polis degil (nitekim onlar daha cok kendi halkini ya da baska halklari ezme, kontrol etme, somurme, onlara zulum yapma ve dahasi onlara iskence ve olumu reva gorme araclaridir benim gozumde), Hafiz olan ancak Rabbimdir, Velimdir. Bizi her yerde goren devletin polisleri ya da iletisim araclarina girip ozel konusmalarimizi yazismalarimizi dinleme cesaretinde bulunan gizli servisler degildir, Basir olan bizi her an yeniden yeni bir bicimde yaratan Yaraticimizdir. vs vs vs.

"Identity crisis". Not experiencing an identity crisis is in my opinion pathological. A human should question the assumptions the people who don't experience an identity crisis inherit, one by one, in every minute detail, they should peel their shells one by one. A human should ask herself: who is she, where did she come from, why is she alive, what is her purpose and what should it really be, what are her principles, what does she find right and what she finds wrong, what she loves and what she doesn't, what she believes in and what she rejects, on which grounds does she base her relationships, what should she eat and drink and what should she wear according to what. She may not apply everything she thinks or believes, but in any case she must think and then think again and again. She should ask over and over until her death. Her answer one day should differ by at least a little from her answer the day before. Instead of the shells she peeled one by one, she should wear what suits her best. The clothes she has sewn anew with all of what she learned and read, her experiences and thoughts, her conscience and observations. And a human should spend all her life in identity crisis, so that she may grow and one hopes she may understand one day, every shell and every clothing can be peeled, what remains is 'abdullah and habibullah, "the ('abd/person/child/human/mortal/slave/servant) citizen and beloved of the One God-Creator". 

PS: Why the word "citizen" for " 'abd"?

Once I thought about it I saw many similarities between the attitudes of people against their states when they identify themselves as the citizen of a certain state and the attitudes " 'abd"s should carry towards their God. This is why I don't see myself as the citizen of England where I was born, or of my motherland Algeria, or my father-land Turkey or or my husband-land USA. If I am the citizen of a thing, a concept, a being, this can only be the citizenship of my Creator. Instead of the "sacred" tax given to Uncle Sam or the Father State -one should consider in many cases the rich make more use of these taxes than the poor, especially in capitalist systems like that of the USA-, I acknowledge the sacredness of the zakat/alms given to the poor in the name of God. What is absolute, logical and just are not the laws written by some heads of states in self-interest, but it is the lifestyle taught by our Sustainor Lord. Who protects, saves and watches us are not the state, military and police -in fact in my eyes they are more often tools of oppression, control, abuse, tyranny, exploitation against their own people and other peoples and even regard torture and death as befitting for peoples-; it is my Sustainor Lord, Rabb who is The Protector, al-Hafiz, The Friend, The Guardian, al-Wali. Who sees us everywhere are not the police of states or the secret services that have the audacity to secretly listen or read our private conversations using communication technologies; it is our Creator who creates us at every moment in a new form who is the All-Seeing, al-Baseer. so on and so forth.

Ruhu ne doyurur? What satisfies the soul?

Karsilikli asktan guzel ne olabilir? Hele ki bu, sonsuz sevgi ve merhametini bize her an sunan Wadud (seven ve sefkat eden)'un askina verilen karsilik ise. Ruhu bu sevgiden baska ne doyurabilir gercek anlamda? Dans partileri mi? Pahali arabalar mi? Kocaman evler mi? Yatlar mi? Cinsel hazzin dorugu mu? Dunya turuna cikmak mi? Parayla satin alinabilecek (kopuklu jakuzi keyfi haric ;) ) herhangi bir sey mi? Arkadaslarinla sehir disi gece klubu gezilerine cikmak mi? Diplomalar ya da is teklifleri mi? Kariyerinde bir basamak daha ileri olmak mi? Her gun bir baska partiye davetli olmak mi? Istedigin her erkek ya da kadina sahip olabilmek mi? Ne doyurur ki ruhu gercek anlamda?

Ruhu "Hu" "Hu" diye zikretmek doyurur. Sifa veren doktor ya da aldigim ilaclar degil, "Hu"(O)dur. Beni hapsirtan kara biber degil, "Hu"dur. Yumusak olan yun battaniyem degil, "Hu"dur. Tatli oyuncu olan kedim degil, "Hu"dur. Aciya katlanma sabri benden degil, "Hu"dandir. Zulmu sevmeyen ben degil, "Hu"dur. Haksizliga isyan eden vicdanim degil, "Hu"dur. Hindistan cevizli hurmadan lezzet alan dilim degil, "Hu"dur. Yuruyen bacaklarim degil, "Hu"dur. Yemegi pisiren ben veya ocak degil, "Hu"dur. Bu sozcukleri yazan aklim degil, "Hu"dur.

Her seyi arindirip ilahlik kisvelerinden, la ilaha (ilah yoktur) diyerek ve her seyden "Hu"ya irtibat kurup, illa Allah (Allah'tan baska) diyerek, hayatimin her aninda, her yerde, her hareketimde, her gozlemimde Sevgili'yi hatirlayarak "Hu" "Hu" diye zikretmek, Sevgili'nin adini zikrettikce O'na olan askinin ve rabitanin arttigini hissetmek doyurur insan ruhunu. Oyle ki muptelasi olur, sorar durursunuz, ruhum acikti, ruhum Sevgili'nin adini anmaya muhtac, ne zaman tekrar kardeslerimle bir araya gelip hep beraber zikir nidalarimizi yukseltecegiz gok yuzune ya da caminin kubbesine, diye. Sevgili'ye kavusmanin numunesinden aldigim hazzi ne zaman tekrar alabilecegim diye iple ceker olursunuz yeniden zikre gitmeyi. Dilin zikreder, aklin tefekkur ederken, kalbinin yumusadigini hissetmeyi.

Ve umulur ki, Rahman (tum canlilara merhamet eden) ve Mumit (olumu yaratan)'in lutfuyla, bir gun bu ask piser olgunlasir ve Sevgili'ye kavusmak icin olum ucagina binmeye hazir oluruz.

 

What can be more beautiful than reciprocal love? Especially if this is the reciprocation to the love of the Wadud (the One who loves and has compassion) who offers us Its infinite love and compassion at every moment. What other than this love could truly satisfy the soul? ..(translation upcoming)....What does really satisfy the soul?

What satisfies the soul is to remember and invoke (dhikr) "Hu" "Hu". The medications I take are not what heal me, nor the doctor, it is "Hu" (It personable or He gender-free). What makes me sneeze is not the black pepper, it is "Hu". It's not my fleece blanket that is soft, it is "Hu". The cute player is not my cat, it is "Hu". The patience to endure pain is not from me, it is from "Hu". I am not the one who doesn't love oppression, it is "Hu". It is not my conscience revolting against injustice, it is "Hu". It is not my tongue that takes pleasure from coconut covered dates, it is "Hu". My legs aren't walking, it is from "Hu". I'm not the one cooking the food, nor the stove, it is "Hu". My mind isn't writing these words, it is "Hu". 

To purify all from deifying garments by saying "la ilaha" (there is no deity) and to connect all to "Hu" by saying "illallah" (save God), to remember the Beloved at every moment of my life, every where, in every action, in every observation and to invoke "Hu" "Hu", to feel your love and connection to It increasing the more you invoke the name of the Beloved is what satisfies the soul. To the point you'll become addicted to it and will keep asking, my soul is hungry, my soul is in need of invoking the name of the Beloved, when will I come together with my brothers and sisters for our exclamations to reach the sky or the dome of the mosque? You'll be counting days until you go to dhikr again and taste the pleasure of the sample of meeting the Beloved. To feel your heart softening while your tongue invokes and your mind contemplates. 

And one hopes, with the beneficence of the Rahman (the One who shows compassion to all living things) and the Mumit (the Creator of death), one day this love will mature and we will be ready to mount the plane of death in order to unite with the Beloved. 

Vefa booooza

Vefa booooza

Cocuklugumun aci bagirisi inleten sokaklari yoksullugun, caresizligin, zorluk icinde ailesine yemek kazanmanin cigligiyla yirtan gecenin karanligini. 
Testlerin veyahut bir macera romaninin icine bikkinlik veya heyecanla dalmis beynimi uyandiran, kalbime inceden bir cizik atan, vicdanimi hafiften acitan, tahayyulumu Istanbul gecelerinin islak, soguk, karanlik, dumanli, upuzun mahalle arasi sokaklarina yonelten, bozaci uzaklastikca sesi de uzaklasan, gecenin ilerleyen saatlerinde boguklasan o bagirti.
Ve sesi artik duyulmaz oldugunda kimilerinin zaten hic duymamis oldugu, kimilerininse yankisini omur boyu unutamayacagi o haykiris.

Benim olduktan sonra... Once it is mine...

***English translation below***

Gece ayi goruyorsam, ay benimdir, benim icin yaratilmistir.

Yildizlari temasa ediyorsam, onlar benim icin gokyuzune takilmis her an degisip duran bir sahnedeki sus lambalaridir.

Cicek bahcemde olmasa ne yazar, tum gordugum cicekler benimdir, Cemil'in Sonsuz Cemali'nin gozumu oksayan kucuk pariltilaridir.

Okyanusun dibinden cekilmis fotograflardaki rengarenk baliklar, iste onlarin da hepsi benimdir, benim icin yaratilmistir.

Suriye'de olen bebek, benden dogmasa ne olur. O da kalbimi kanatiyorsa, benim bebegimdir. Benim zulme bugzetmem icin, benim dua etmem icin benim icin yaratilmistir.

En guzel yemekler, benim bogazimdan gecmese ne olur. Sevdiklerimin aldigi lezzet beni de sevindiriyorsa, o yemek benimdir. Benim Rezzak'i anmam icin benim icin yaratilmistir.

En guzel pastayi ben degil arkadasim yapsa ne olur. Pastadaki guzelligi sanati lezzeti gorebiliyorsam, Rabbim o pastayi bana vermistir. Benim icin yaratmistir. Insanogluna verdigi yetenegi gorup Rabbime hayran kalmam icin.

If I can see the moonlight at night, the moon is mine, it is created for me.

If I can contemplate the stars, they are decorating lamps hung up for me in an ever-changing stage.

If the flower isn't in my garden, who cares? All the flowers I see are mine, they are tiny glitters of the Infinite Beauty of the Most Beautiful that caresses my vision.

The colourful fish in the pictures taken at the bottom of oceans where I have never been, those too are all mine, are created for me. 

What if the baby who dies in Syria isn't born of me? If he too bleeds my heart, he is my baby. He is created for me so that I may spite injustice and that I may pray for the oppressed.

What if the most delicious foods aren't passing through my throat? If the taste my loved ones get out of them delight me, those foods are mine. They have been created for me to remember the All-Provider.

Who cares if it is my friend and not me who makes the prettiest cake? If I can observe the beauty, art and taste of the cake, my Sustainer Lord has gifted this cake to me. It has created it for me. So that I may see the abilities given to humankind and be filled with loving admiration of my Sustainer Lord.

Our Metamorphosis with Death

Most people are familiar with the butterfly's life cycle. It's born a caterpillar, it then goes to sleep inside a cocoon and when it wakes up days later it now is a butterfly. When we die, our soul separates from our body. The grave is our cocoon where we will be free of our bodies or of time. This is similar to not having a good sense of the time passing when you're sleeping or unconscious. 3 years can feel like 3 minutes, remember the "seven sleepers" (ashab-i kehf)? Our ancestors who died a million years ago will not feel they're "sleeping" longer than we will after we die. Finally, on the Judgment Day, our bodies will be recreated in a completely new form. Just like by looking at the crawling caterpillar one cannot possibly imagine it will turn into a flying butterfly, or by examining a seed it is impossible to imagine it will turn into a tree let alone to know what kind of tree, had we not seen these unbelievable changes happen before; in the same way we cannot possibly imagine what our bodies might look like in the next world. Nor can we imagine what the next world would look like, if this world is a seed, the next world is an orange tree!

Answer to 1st comment: 

There is a saying "sleep is death's little brother"; meaning just like when we sleep we experience an altered world/existence/perception of time & space, when we die we will experience a different life form. Just like the Ashab-i Kahf (Seven Sleepers) slept for 3 centuries thinking it was a day or two, people who die will not perceive time in the same way we do with our Earthly bodies. Our experience of time and space is specific to our earthly bodies and earthly lives. The spirit's perception of time & space is different, so too will the perception of our Heavenly bodies be different. We can only make inferences and guesses based on such parables and what the revelation teaches us.

Also this verse from Aşık Veysel Şatiroglu: 

"The path is one minute long, I keep on going day and night"

reminded me of this Qur'anic verse: 

79:46 (Asad) On the Day when they behold it, [it will seem to them] as if they had tarried [in this world] no longer than one evening or [one night, ending with] its morn! [19] 

Note 19 (Quran Ref: 79:46 ) (note by translator Asad)

As in many other places in the Qur’an (e.g., in 2:259, 17:52, 18:19, 20:103-104, 23:112-113, 30:55 etc.), this is a subtle indication of the illusory, earthbound nature of man's concept of "time" - a concept which, we are told, will lose all its meaning in the context of the ultimate reality comprised in the term "hereafter" (al-akhirah).(Quran Ref: 79:46 )

Denge

Soğuk ısınırken sıcak soğuyor. Herşey bir dengeye yürüyor. Suyu çok olanın suyu azalıyor, az olanın çoğalıyor. Bir imparatorluk inerken diğeri çıkıyor. Biri iflas ederken diğerine piyango vuruyor. Bir yıldız ölürken bir insan doğuyor. Okyanus çöl oluyor, dağ bir vadiye karışıyor. Dünüm biterken yarınım başlıyor. Hepimiz bir dengeye yürüyoruz. Aynı dengeye. Bu dünyadan ölmeye. Hepimiz aynı noktada buluşacağız. Geleceğimizin geçmişine varacağı noktada. Geçmişinle istemesen de sınanacağın noktada. Bu varlık aleminin diğer aleme kavuştuğu noktada. Orda kıyametler kopuyor. Orda zaman yok. Mekan yok. Orası mahşer yeri. Orası ruhlar toplantısı. Ordan kaçış yok. Orda son buluyor kavgalar, orda alınıyor haklar, adalet işte sadece orada. Orda sağlanıyor mutlak denge, denge dinginliğe yürüyor. Cennet huzuruna. Çünkü kötülük ve yalan Cehennem çukurlarına gömülmüş. Artık hiç bir bedene, hiç bir varlığa, nefes alsa da almasa da hiç bir ruh ve meleğe zarar veremeyecek. Hafızaların tutsaklığında değil artık, kanayıp durmayacak artık kalbinin derinliklerinden akan bir yara. Kendini tekrarlayan, tekrarladıkça bir değil bin kere acıtan, adaleti Rabbi’nde değil de kendinde ararsan intikam alevlerinde yakan, öç alırken vicdanını ufalayan, düşündükçe devam edip büyüyen, üstüne gittikçe canavarlaşan kötülük artık hapis, artık masumlara yaklaşamayacak. Rahmet ve sadece Mutlak Rahmet’in huzurundasındır artık çünkü.