"Kimlik bunalimi". Kimlik bunalimi yasamamak kanimca patolojiktir. Kimlik bunalimi yasamayan insanlarin miras aldiklari varsayimlarin her birini, ince ince, delik desik sorgulamalidir insan, kabuklarini birer birer soymali. Sormali insan kendine: kimdir, nereden gelmistir, neden hayattadir, amaci nedir ve ne olmalidir, prensipleri nelerdir, neleri dogru neleri yanlis bulur, neleri sever neleri sevmez, neye inanir neye inanmaz, insanlarla ne esaslara dayanarak iliski kurmalidir, ne yemeli ne icmeli neyi neye gore giymeli. Her dusundugunu, inandigini uygulayamayabilir, ama illa ki dusunmeli, bir daha bir daha dusunmelidir. Olene kadar yine yine sormalidir. Bir gunku cevabi bir onceki gunun cevabindan biraz olsun farkli olmalidir. Teker teker soyundugu kabuklarinin yerine kendisine en uygun olanlari takinmalidir. Ogrendiklerini okuduklarini tecrubelerini dusuncelerini vicdanini duygularini gozlemlediklerini, hepsini icine katip ta yeniden diktigi libaslari. Ve bir omur kimlik bunalimindan cikamamalidir insan, ta ki tekamul edebilsin ve umulur ki bir gun anlasin, her kabuk ve libas soyulur, geriye 'abdullah ve habibullah, "Tek Yaratici'nin kulu (vatandasi) ve sevgilisi" kalir.
NOT: Neden "vatandas" kelimesi?
Dusundum de, kendini bir devletin vatandasi olarak tanimlayanlarin devlete karsi olan tavirlari ile, bir kulun Allah'a karsi olmasi gereken tavri arasinda cok paralellik gordum. Bu nedenle de kendimi ne dogdugum Ingiltere, ne ana-vatanim Cezayir, ne baba-vatanim Turkiye, ne de koca-vatanim ABD'nin vatandasi olarak gormuyorum. Bir seyin, bir kavramin, bir varligin vatandasiysam eger, bu ancak Yaraticimin vatandasligi olabilir. Devlet babaya vergi kutsalligi yerine (ki genelde bu vergilerden fakirlerden cok zenginler faydalanir hele de ABD gibi kapitalist sistemlerde), Allah adina fakire verilen zekatin kutsalligini kabul ederim. Mutlak, mantikli ve adil olan devletlerin basinda birilerinin cikarlarina gore yazdiklari kanunlar degil, Rabbimin bana ogrettigi yasam bicimidir. Bizi koruyan, kurtaran, kollayan devlet, asker, polis degil (nitekim onlar daha cok kendi halkini ya da baska halklari ezme, kontrol etme, somurme, onlara zulum yapma ve dahasi onlara iskence ve olumu reva gorme araclaridir benim gozumde), Hafiz olan ancak Rabbimdir, Velimdir. Bizi her yerde goren devletin polisleri ya da iletisim araclarina girip ozel konusmalarimizi yazismalarimizi dinleme cesaretinde bulunan gizli servisler degildir, Basir olan bizi her an yeniden yeni bir bicimde yaratan Yaraticimizdir. vs vs vs.
"Identity crisis". Not experiencing an identity crisis is in my opinion pathological. A human should question the assumptions the people who don't experience an identity crisis inherit, one by one, in every minute detail, they should peel their shells one by one. A human should ask herself: who is she, where did she come from, why is she alive, what is her purpose and what should it really be, what are her principles, what does she find right and what she finds wrong, what she loves and what she doesn't, what she believes in and what she rejects, on which grounds does she base her relationships, what should she eat and drink and what should she wear according to what. She may not apply everything she thinks or believes, but in any case she must think and then think again and again. She should ask over and over until her death. Her answer one day should differ by at least a little from her answer the day before. Instead of the shells she peeled one by one, she should wear what suits her best. The clothes she has sewn anew with all of what she learned and read, her experiences and thoughts, her conscience and observations. And a human should spend all her life in identity crisis, so that she may grow and one hopes she may understand one day, every shell and every clothing can be peeled, what remains is 'abdullah and habibullah, "the ('abd/person/child/human/mortal/slave/servant) citizen and beloved of the One God-Creator".
PS: Why the word "citizen" for " 'abd"?
Once I thought about it I saw many similarities between the attitudes of people against their states when they identify themselves as the citizen of a certain state and the attitudes " 'abd"s should carry towards their God. This is why I don't see myself as the citizen of England where I was born, or of my motherland Algeria, or my father-land Turkey or or my husband-land USA. If I am the citizen of a thing, a concept, a being, this can only be the citizenship of my Creator. Instead of the "sacred" tax given to Uncle Sam or the Father State -one should consider in many cases the rich make more use of these taxes than the poor, especially in capitalist systems like that of the USA-, I acknowledge the sacredness of the zakat/alms given to the poor in the name of God. What is absolute, logical and just are not the laws written by some heads of states in self-interest, but it is the lifestyle taught by our Sustainor Lord. Who protects, saves and watches us are not the state, military and police -in fact in my eyes they are more often tools of oppression, control, abuse, tyranny, exploitation against their own people and other peoples and even regard torture and death as befitting for peoples-; it is my Sustainor Lord, Rabb who is The Protector, al-Hafiz, The Friend, The Guardian, al-Wali. Who sees us everywhere are not the police of states or the secret services that have the audacity to secretly listen or read our private conversations using communication technologies; it is our Creator who creates us at every moment in a new form who is the All-Seeing, al-Baseer. so on and so forth.
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